“Hold your head straight, Mr. Evans,” the optometrist said as he examined my eyes. The more I tried, the more difficult it became. I realized my head was shaking uncontrollably because of neck tremors. Finally, the optometrist said, “Mr. Evans, you need to go to a neurologist to find out what is wrong with your neck.” Little did I know that I had a strange neurological ailment called spasmodic torticollis dystonia—a rare genetic disease.
The harder I tried to hold my head straight, the more difficult it became. The muscles pulled my neck and twisted my head. The only way I could hold my head erect was to press my chin down with my hand. As months and years passed, it grew worse and worse. At first, I tried denial, assuming it would get better after a few weeks. When that did not happen, depression followed as I realized the disease could result in total disability. It was, at the very least, humiliating, especially for a public speaker.
No matter what I did, tremors were my constant companion. I was told that I must have an emotional problem, or perhaps was headed for a breakdown. While in the pulpit, a panic attack would hit like an electrical shock. It was humiliating and depressing. I became so discouraged that I stopped preaching for fourteen months. I was thirty-two years old, and it looked like my ministry was over.
The more I looked in the mirror, the more distressed I became. I questioned why I couldn’t be strong like other preachers. Little did I know that God wasn’t asking me to be strong; He was asking me to allow Him to be the strength in my life. Ultimately, I realized I needed to turn the entire situation over to Jesus. I got on my face in prayer and sobbed as I poured my heart out to God.
The reality is this: During that period of time, I produced more award-winning specials and wrote more books than at any other time in my life. As a matter of fact, it seemed that supernatural doors were opening for me to be a confidant to world leaders more than at any other time in my life. I truly understood what it meant to know Christ “in the fellowship of His suffering, and in the power of His resurrection” (Philippians 3:10). I had to reach out to Christ to complete me in areas that were lacking. He made me become what I was not. As Paul said, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).
